The Man Who Isn't There: 1996

Introduction

With Judy Stone as "Mrs. Capella"

Mrs. Capella was my grade school piano teacher. At first she was annoyed that I played by ear (apparently unable to learn the notes), but eventually she gave in and encouraged me.

Heart and Soul
Hoagy Carmichael & Frank Loesser

At the beginning of the year, I fell in love...“Just like a fool would do.”

Run, Dick, Run LYRICS
Paul S. Cilwa

When it finally came time to make a commitment, he chose to return to a bad situation rather than face his fear of trying something new...and better.

Don’t Think That I Can Take This
Paul S. Cilwa

How does it feel to discover you’ve been used as bait to rekindle an ex’s interest? Something like this.

(For Every Tree) There Is A Soldier LYRICS
Paul S. Cilwa

The chorus of this song came to me years ago as I was driving near the Manassas Battlefield Park in Virginia. Only recently did I understand what it meant: That we create our own realities, no matter how much we complain and whine that it's someone else's fault.

Danny Boy
Fred Weatherly; additional lyrics by Paul S. Cilwa

In May, my good friend Tim O’Connor died in a scuba mishap in Kittery, Maine. His partner, Jon, asked me to sing this song at the memorial service. Tim, we still miss you.

COBOLin’  
Paul S. Cilwa

Sure, I now teach programming rather than do much of it myself. But I still think, with the right musical motivation, we could do for computer programmers what Johnny Cash did for truck drivers! This song is my contribution to this proposed trend.

Spoons In The Dirt
Paul S. Cilwa

Written to be sung as a duet with my college bud Mike Tucker, this song was never sung by the two of us after all—scheduling conflicts. It expresses the depth of a life-long friendship through school days and beyond.

God’s Promise (Don’t Pass Me By)  
Paul S. Cilwa and Robert Parent

My friend, Bob, asked me to collaborate on this Contemporary Christian-style piece. I include it here because its premise is an important one to me: that we don’t need to beg Divine intervention; God has already given us all we need to make our lives work.

Angel On My Shoulder
Shelby Flint

This innocent little tune from the sixties kept me going for awhile, when I desperately needed to believe that my true love, as opposed to the guy I started off the year with, was right around the corner. (And I was right!)

You’re My Home
Billy Joel

Sometimes it helps to detail what it is you’re looking for in a mate. With all the traveling I do, I need someone who can be a source of stability in my life. I dedicated this song to my friend Larry Lynch, who was an invaluable help to me in getting over this part of my life.

The Man Who Isn’t There  
Paul S. Cilwa
Tenor Sax: Tim Mikan

The last of my “breakup” songs, it’s also (I think) the best. It begins with a short prelude for strings and bassoon, before the percussive organ and rock’n’roll kicks in. The words to this song came to me almost fully developed, while I was visiting an ancient stone monument in New Hampshire.

Lost In The Sun
Dan Fogelberg

I’ve been a Fogelberg fan since my pal Mike introduced his music to me almost twenty years ago. This song conveys the loss of control we so often feel when, just as we thought we had things all figured out, we discover everything we know is wrong!

Stranger in Paradise
Wright / Forrest

When I was about five years old, my Mom and Dad used to take me with them to the bowling alley, where they would park me in front of a jukebox. Tony Bennett’s great rendition of this song was the record I would play over and over. See if you don’t agree it lends itself perfectly to this rock beat.

The Dimming of the Day
Richard Thompson

This song puts me in mind of a friend who uses his business concerns as a means of avoiding the really important issues in his life. One of those issues is the person who loves him, yet must live in the shadow of his conventional life. I dedicate this performance to them both, with the hope that they make room for the peace they so crave.

I Know You’re Out There Somewhere
Justin Hayward

Finally, we come to the theme song of romantic optimists everywhere. Once we’ve tasted love, we won’t rest until we find it again. They say you never find love when you’re looking for it—but you don’t find it sitting at home watching TV, either.

And Life Goes On...

The album was barely finished. On the eve of New Year, 1997, I fell in love with the most wonderful man in the world. His name is Michael, and while I  was  putting the finishing touches on the album, we were also starting our lives together. Dreams do come true!